My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
