Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
