dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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