weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
