two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.