i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
