Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?