I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life