i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage