he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
sex in a hospital.. check
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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