Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
