all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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