i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
