The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
