she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
