I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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