My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
