I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mom said you looked used
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
