im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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