Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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