I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
