Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
