i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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