he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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