Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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