she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
