He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
