Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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