he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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