I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
