If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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