bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
