LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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