He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
