shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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