I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
