well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
