Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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