I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
