She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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