Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
