I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
