Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
