He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Someone shit on the floor
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
