I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
