i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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