so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
