Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
