i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cut my penus on the lid.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
