my vag is so smooth its legendary
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
