He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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