i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
