I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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