Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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