Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
