Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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