he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
