You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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