piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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