WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
