Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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