I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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