How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
