Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
