I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
