There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
