omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
