Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
