I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
