allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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