i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
