actually, I'm a sock model
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
