I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
