I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
this hospital has no fireball
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In other news, Iβve officially fucked a grandpa.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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