Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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