You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
