DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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