I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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