It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
