I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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