She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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