I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
