Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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