Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
