He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize