he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
