By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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