i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
