Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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