Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
