I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize